It’s been awhile…
It has been awhile since you have heard from me through this venue – I’m sorry! It is not that I don’t have any thoughts, it is that I have so many! I don’t want to ‘word vomit’ all over and I am still unsure if my thoughts are collected enough to share but here are a few. (Please note: this will be hodgepodge of things to share, nothing large enough for it’s own blog, but worth sharing still.)
Tool Time / Tool Belt
A few people have spoken to me about the blog, Tool Time. I am glad it has helped others. I honestly wish it helped me more! Yes, I know I shared that information. And yes, I know I spent lots of money in counseling acquiring that information! But, sometimes I get so caught up in my perception of things, I forget I have a tool belt to help! So lesson 1 – don’t forget about the tool belt and that is there to help. I am trying to see it more as a seat belt, something I put on (in cars) without a second thought, a habit. Please let me know if this blog has helped you or if you have any other ‘tools’ I can add!
How is your heart?
There was a time I despised this question (total honesty). I felt people were trying to make it seem as if they were being intentional, but were really just asking how I was. Now, I appreciate those who ask and if I feel they are being sincere (which most are), I answer honestly instead of just the usual “I’m fine.”
Things got a bit stressful in July/ August at the guesthouse and in life over here. I thought I was handling things okay. And from the outside, that may have seemed true (I only have my perspective here), it even seemed true on the inside. Then, one day I walked into my room horrified at the mess! Clothes everywhere, books, art supplies, etc. were scattered. I consider myself a very neat person, everything has a place and should be in it. However, I made the connection of my heart and my room. IF you didn’t open my bedroom door, you would have no idea at the mess, same with my heart – and I had that door sealed shut! Now, I am more consciousness about the state of my room, when it starts getting messy I realize I need to take a moment to see how my heart is and what is going on. Usually, I can get them both cleaned up within a day or so.
Dreams
I am not sure how many people know this about me, but I knew I was supposed to go into missions based on a dream I had in 2013. I still have a pretty vivid memory of it and would love to share with you today!
I was sitting on the beach of a lake in Africa with my best friend from high school’s now husband, we will call him B. I thought it was super strange he was dressed as a Masai Mara warrior, something similar to this outfit.
However, my friend is a pretty white, but you can kind of get the picture. We were sitting there chatting, not sure what about, when we started talking about missions. I kept saying, “I don’t think I should go…,” “I can’t go…,” and other excuses. As I was making excuses, my hands and feet sort of dissolved into sand and blew away in the wind! Yes, it was super crazy. I was not phased by them blowing away in the wind either! I kept arguing with B. He kept saying, “yes, you need to,” and even more specifically “you need to go to Uganda.” I am not sure how long this argument went on, but I finally got so annoyed I yelled, “Ok, I’ll go!” (Knowing myself this was probably to get him to shut up and stop bothering me.) As soon as I said “ok, I’ll go” – my body became complete again. And then I woke up.
I was telling my friend over coffee the next day and she was like ‘you have to go.’ And I (stupidly) asked ‘where do I go?’ Yes, please feel free to laugh here. God clearly said Uganda, yet I had no clue where to go. That started me on the journey with Adventures in Missions and the World Race. I have yet to go to Uganda, but I know God still has plan – and I am willing.
On the night before the Ireland trip was over we had a large dinner with our new Irish friends. I had met a lovely lady named Sharon earlier in the week and had the amazing opportunity to spend a Sunday with her and her husband. Right before dinner, she looked at me with a big smile and said ‘I had a dream about you.’ This ALWAYS makes me nervous. It has happened a few times before and people have shared some amazing encouragement, verses, and wisdom; however this time I knew it was something big. This was her dream:
“You were walking around a mucky garden on stilts with no problem. You walk like you’ve been doing it for years and the stilts are a part of you.
However when you try and move to the hard land, you struggle. You can’t walk there with the stilts.
God says, ‘it’s time to take the stilts off.’”
Whoa. I was right to be nervous, right? I am still nervous because while I am pretty sure I know what it is talking about, I am not ready to admit it.
So this is a small glimpse of all the places my mind has been wondering: using my toolbelt, adding new tools, making connections between my physical world and emotional world, dreams, and more.
If you have any questions, comments, want to chat about any of this – please send me an email ([email protected]) or find me on social media, I would love to connect with you.
