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Month One: A Reflection of Sorts

I have been in Cambodia for 6 weeks now and am happy to say I survived my first month. Yes, I said survived because there wasn’t much thriving. I think there were more hard days than good days. My whole life has changed and is new to me.

So just some basics to catch you up:

  • I currently live in a guesthouse separate from the one where I work. I live in a one bedroom place and my team lives just down the row in two different houses.

  • I drive a moto to Overflow Guesthouse where I work and to language school. (I am not brave enough to drive into town yet).

 

  • I started Khmer (ka-my) language school. I go twice a week for hour-long sessions.

  • I had about 2 weeks to adjust to moving here: the time change, food, and get a feel of the city before I started training in my position at Overflow.  

  • I have been mostly trained in my role as Operations Manager for the Guesthouse, but there is always (always) more to learn and projects to do.

 

  • I joined my team – 4 others who have been here since January.

 

  • I now have a local phone number.

  • I also had a weekend ‘away’ at a hotel in town to rest and reflect on living in Cambodia. It was really nice and they were running a very discounted room special! Yay for deals!

 

  • Found a taco place! Bonus: they have good queso and I hope to become a regular. 🙂

 

  • It is almost rainy season. I know it hasn’t really hit yet, but it is already much more humid here than I am used to. It has hit me hard through exhaustion and slight dehydration (off and on) despite drinking tons of water – 130 to 160 oz a day – and am supplementing electrolytes.

  • Emily, Romany, and I found a house we move into at the beginning of August (pictures to come).

 

Those are the highlights from my last month. Adjustment has been much harder than I expected. My emotions have changed from day to day and sometimes hour to hour. I have wanted to cry and laugh sometimes in the same moment. I can’t always explain why. I really miss home. I feel like I was at a pretty sweet spot in life – I really enjoyed my job, my town, my time with family and friends, and then suddenly my support finally came in and I was given the green light to make the move. It was a bit of a shock.

Everything here is different: sights, sounds, smells, people, language, culture, living situations, driving and traffic (but for real on this one), friends, and even changes at the Guesthouse since my last visit – such as a few local staff workers and some of the systems used. I could go on. For a person who likes order, structure, and familiarity, some days are super difficult and I am exhausted when I come home at 4 pm or 5 pm.

If after reading this thinking I have had a hard month – you’d be correct. Please don’t cry (Wendi, Rachel, Mom…). I am also learning a lot through this phase.

 

One thing that keeps coming up is grace – for myself. This is really hard for me.

Like I said, I joined a team of 4 who all moved here in January. I know it is impossible to ‘catch up’ to their assimilation into the culture, language, life, etc. But sometimes I feel so, so far behind. Almost like the big kids asked me to come play but they have bicycles and I am struggling on a tricycle, or I am Michelle from Full House.

Grace.

Grace for myself….I am still trying to figure out what it looks like all the time, but sometimes it’s oreos and Gilmore Girls, or ice cream for dinner, or listening to Harry Styles on repeat, or even falling asleep at 4 in the afternoon because I didn’t sleep the night before.

Grace is something I struggle with as I am often trying to figure out whether I should be adjusted to things or I am giving myself too hard a time. I am a pretty harsh critic towards myself, to where maybe I push too hard (also adding to the exhaustion.)

Grace.

I can get stuck in my head, thinking I could have done xyz better, or I shouldn’t have messed up in this spreadsheet because I know better, or I should be more comfortable driving the moto and not taking a tuktuk into the city.

It wasn’t until a friend told me I needed more grace for myself that I realized I hadn’t given myself any this last month.

So, grace has been a recent lesson in my life, one I am sure will keep coming up until I learn how to extend it better to myself and to others.

 

Moving to a new city and country is hard. Starting a new job is hard. Learning language and culture is hard. Being half a world away from family and friends is hard. Having to pay for chips and salsa is hard. But it is all doable. And I am excited to continue learning the lessons God has for me here.

 

This month has flown by, but at other times it has seemed to drag on. I am still here, taking it one day at a time, or sometimes one hour at a time. Trying to remember to give myself grace and enjoy the ride.