In June I said goodbye to the home I knew, people I loved, places I worked, fast-food, free chips and salsa, my own car, and so much more. My last month in Texas was filled with goodbyes - and I hated it.

I made excuses to postpone or said everything I could BUT goodbye, because I would rather say, “See ya later,” and dream of a time when I will see that person again; but we never know the future or what it holds. I have been reading lots of blogs lately, and this one specifically on saying goodbye has stood out to me.

This article has helped to understand the importance of honoring the goodbye, both for for myself and the people I’m saying goodbye to. I’m beginning to understand how important it is to say goodbye, and I urge you to take the time to say goodbye because it is so important.

Since being on the field I have been in a time of transition and with transition comes loss. I’ve lost my normal routines, places, and people, but I have also lost nine family members or people close to my family.

Yes - nine.

I know that is a lot and it sounds crazy, but it is true. Those calls/texts are never fun, and receiving so many has caused me to become anxious to answer incoming calls/messages from home in the past few months. I don’t want to hear bad news but I don’t want to not hear it either.

I am no expert on grieving; I have been avoiding it most of my life because it hurts. It hurts so much - deep, wide, and it spills sometimes uncontrollably into other areas. With that much pain, how will things ever be better?  I know grief is not easy, it is actually pretty hard.

I think in our culture we try and gloss over grief with different sayings, trying to make others feel better but often come up short to comfort the one grieving. While those who are grieving feel the need to fill the silence or bandage the wound, but this is not possible with words alone.

Grief needs time, space, God, and love to overcome.

For a while, all I saw were dark days ahead, filled with sadness and gloom, and my brain was like, “No, thanks!’ I did what I always do - I packaged up those thoughts and feelings and put them in a box somewhere in the back of my memory. Apparently I am great at compartmentalization (I learned after talking with a few counselors throughout my life). What I am not-so-great at is the unpacking part.

I know a time of grieving is coming. It will be hard. It will be messy. But it must be done for healing to happen.

I am not usually one to share this much of my life, but as I learn to grieve well I plan on continuing to share how I’m doing and what I’m learning. You can share in my journey by subscribing to my blog. I also know I cannot do this alone. Please pray for me in this grieving process, that I may KNOW God is with me and that He has not left me.