In June I said goodbye to the home I knew, people I loved, places I worked, fast-food, free chips and salsa, my own car, and so much more. My last month in Texas was filled with goodbyes – and I hated it.
I made excuses to postpone or said everything I could BUT goodbye, because I would rather say, “See ya later,” and dream of a time when I will see that person again; but we never know the future or what it holds. I have been reading lots of blogs lately, and this one specifically on saying goodbye has stood out to me.
This article has helped to understand the importance of honoring the goodbye, both for for myself and the people I’m saying goodbye to. I’m beginning to understand how important it is to say goodbye, and I urge you to take the time to say goodbye because it is so important.
Since being on the field I have been in a time of transition and with transition comes loss. I’ve lost my normal routines, places, and people, but I have also lost nine family members or people close to my family.
Yes – nine.
I know that is a lot and it sounds crazy, but it is true. Those calls/texts are never fun, and receiving so many has caused me to become anxious to answer incoming calls/messages from home in the past few months. I don’t want to hear bad news but I don’t want to not hear it either.
I am no expert on grieving; I have been avoiding it most of my life because it hurts. It hurts so much – deep, wide, and it spills sometimes uncontrollably into other areas. With that much pain, how will things ever be better? I know grief is not easy, it is actually pretty hard.
I think in our culture we try and gloss over grief with different sayings, trying to make others feel better but often come up short to comfort the one grieving. While those who are grieving feel the need to fill the silence or bandage the wound, but this is not possible with words alone.
Grief needs time, space, God, and love to overcome.
For a while, all I saw were dark days ahead, filled with sadness and gloom, and my brain was like, “No, thanks!’ I did what I always do – I packaged up those thoughts and feelings and put them in a box somewhere in the back of my memory. Apparently I am great at compartmentalization (I learned after talking with a few counselors throughout my life). What I am not-so-great at is the unpacking part.
I know a time of grieving is coming. It will be hard. It will be messy. But it must be done for healing to happen.
I am not usually one to share this much of my life, but as I learn to grieve well I plan on continuing to share how I’m doing and what I’m learning. You can share in my journey by subscribing to my blog. I also know I cannot do this alone. Please pray for me in this grieving process, that I may KNOW God is with me and that He has not left me.
SO GOOD. Thank you for sharing. I can’t imagine what it’s like to lose 9 family members within a year… 🙁 But I love your heart and I appreciate this chance to peer in. Love you, Kels!
I am so sorry to hear you are going through a hard time cuzn. I love you so much. You will get through this. Allowing yourself to feel is not easy… I think that is why is Beggs are so bad at showing emotions… I too am trying to learn this. You are in my thoughts and prayers!
Hey thanks for putting yourself out there with your whole heart. I love your dependency on Jesus and how it’s growing. Thanks for the front row seats of what’s happening in your life. Praying big big for you!
I love hearing from you young lady since life has sentenced you to see and experience what I may never know of without people like you who actually gets to do mission. Thanks for the opportunity to experience parts of the world that I may never see on my own.
I don’t think anyone can be considered experts at grief but that we come to realize that that God is there and we are allowed to vent to Him who is listening to our every word, God knows and loves us so much!
Probably the hardest part about your commitment is the being alone. When my husband and I decided to go off to the “far away” land of Fort Worth to attend seminary and then lived in the Metroplex for the next 15 years, we had only a small experience of that. We developed friends apart from “home” that have developed into wonderful long-term connections. We went through the normalcy of life, and the difficulties of life, separated by miles from family and old friends, but GOD was always there, even when we went through difficult health issues with a new baby and young child. At times we felt very alone except that GOD always made his presence known. Those years grew us together in special ways as I know GOD does for you. He is always there with you. He brings people into you life to prove that. I continue to pray for you in your courageous endeavor to serve HIM in far away lands, away from family and friends, realizing that GOD is there with you and prayers of many are there with you too.
“Grief needs time, space, God, and love to overcome.” Amen. And amen to this journey you and Jesus are on. I’m praying for you and I’m proud of you. Him being with us and promising to be with us is literally the best promise (in my opinion) and so so important to cling to.
Very good article.
this really hit home with me – grief affect everyone differently – some in good ways – some – not so good. i know that God is holding you in His arms in the transition – i love you – keep up the great work!
Kelsey – you are so precious and God is going to carry you through this season of grief. Praying for you with much love.