I know I am an independent person, I have been told this whether for the good or bad. I take it in stride. I am happy for my independence, grateful for it, and I have worked hard to become independent in many ways. One of the key parts to my independence these days is my car, Betty.
However, this past week, I learned a lot about DEPENDENCE. And it was not fun.
I know God has called me to be dependent on Him, but sometimes that is EXTREMELY difficult. I also know we are not supposed to ‘worship’ earthly goods, but sometimes I fail at that. God has His ways though.
Last Saturday, I was blessed to go to Iowa to be part of a beautiful wedding for my World Race friends, Jonathan and Corrinne. I flew back to Amarillo, TX where some awesome friends, Wendi and Jeff picked me up to take me to my car at their house. If you know me very well my car, Betty, isn’t always the nicest. She is spunky and likes to cause trouble at the most inconvenient times. This was one of those times.
I was just 15 or so miles from home when it started. I was minding my own business, driving along the flat plains of Texas, happy the cruise had decided to work when Betty started jumping forward/lurching. It was like she couldn’t find a gear or something. I pulled off and called my sister even though I knew she was in bed (it was almost 10:15 pm.) We talked and I said I would try again, maybe Betty needed a break. So I got back on the interstate and it happened again, I couldn’t even get up to 30 mph! I pulled over and saw some smoke and knew that I was in trouble. I called my sister and my friends, the Thrashers, and they came to my rescue. The Thrashers towed me to their house and Todd and Ashley took me to theirs to get a truck to use. I was frustrated to say the least.
At this point in my life, Betty is all I have. The ONE thing I own. I don’t have my own room or house/apartment, I am super grateful to stay with my sister or Patti, who let me crash at their places – but it is not mine. (Yes, I know I am being possessive and probably selfish here.) Betty is mine! We have gone to Georgia and back together, up to Chicago, down to Houston and all over west Texas – she was my key to independence. If I have a bad day, I don’t have my own place to go to, but I can go sit in MY car and pout for a bit. She is my safe place. So when she broke down on me, I was upset.
I know I can’t keep her forever, she won’t go to Cambodia with me, but until then, she is all I have. There were more than a few tears shed and it felt as if my world were falling out from under me. I would have to be dependent on others for almost everything, which is super humbling. I would have to borrow a truck (more expensive on gas), maybe figure out long-term transportation, pay for the mechanic work, and figure out another way to raise more for fundraising (I was gonna use the money from Betty for part of it.) The beginning of the week led to lots of questions, mainly ‘why;’ ‘why now?,’ ‘why me?,’ and ‘what am I supposed to learn, God?’
Monday night, I went to Leal’s (my favorite Tex-Mex restaurant and my comfort food,) where I learned there was a small fire and in my mind Betty was gone forever. More tears were shed (in public – gasp, I know) and my sister and I talked about what God’s plan was in this. She brought up the man who sold all his worldly goods to follow, and some other examples in Bible. My Cambodia team was really encouraging about the whole thing, trying to help me find the bright-side. But I was still REALLY down.
My friends took Betty to the shop to be looked at, and I just saw the dollar signs running through my mind and wondered how I would pay for it. I was also working more and waking up super early for work, so my mind was struggling to wrap around it all. Since Betty is all I have, I have lots of stuff in there (she is packed tight for a tiny car), including letters I needed to send out for fundraising. So on Wednesday, I dared to ask Shelly if I could have access to my car at the shop, and I received the BEST news all week! Betty had been fixed and she was parked outside their house and I did NOT have to pay for anything. I am not sure who paid, but I am super grateful for friends and family taking care of me. I am also thankful for the lessons God gives us in everyday life. In Cambodia, I KNOW I will have to depend on Him for almost everything, He is the only one who can meet my needs before I even know what they are. He has ALWAYS provided for me, but it is something I forget so quickly when life seems to be going well.
**God has provided for all my needs and I know He will continue to provide for me in the future, even for all the fundraising. On that note, I am still looking for monthly financial partners, if you would like to support me for my mission to Cambodia, you may click the link on the left that says, “Donate!” make sure my name is in the ‘Staff Member’ box.**
